Improving Communications in Relationships
In any relationship, effective communication is the linchpin that holds everything together. Whether it is with a spouse, friend, or co-worker, understanding each other is paramount. It is often said that “communication is a two-way street,” yet what we sometimes overlook is that not all people traverse this street in the same manner. This divergence in communication styles becomes glaringly apparent when we examine it through the lens of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator(r) (MBTI) theory.
According to MBTI (r), there are 16 personality types, each characterized by a unique set of preferences for interacting with the world. These preferences do not just dictate our interests and choices, but also the ways in which we communicate. Importantly, each personality type is most comfortable using a “dominant function” (either Thinking, Feeling, Sensing, or Intuition) to interpret information and make decisions.
This blog aims to delve into the nuances of communication across the MBTI spectrum. While it’s true that any type can communicate effectively with any other type, this interaction is often more seamless when both parties employ the same dominant function.
Understanding Dominant Functions
Before we discuss how to improve communication, it’s essential to understand what a “dominant function” means in the context of MBTI. For each personality type, one of the four cognitive functions (Thinking, Feeling, Sensing, or Intuition) is primary and dictates how individuals process information and interact with the world.
In other words, you give the largest amount of “conscious” psychic energy to one of the four mental functions listed below. You do not think about it you just do it and God wanted it that way.
Here’s a quick breakdown:
- Thinking (T): Focuses on objective analysis, logic, and rational decision-making.
- Feeling (F): Relies on emotional considerations, values, and the needs of others.
- Sensing (S): Utilizes concrete information gathered through the five senses.
- Intuition (N): Leans on abstract ideas, patterns, and future possibilities.
How Dominant Functions Affect Communication
Thinking Dominant Types ( INTP, INTP, ENTJ, ESTJ)
If you or your partner is a Thinking dominant type, a straightforward, logical approach to discussion will be most effective. These types value clarity, facts, and efficient problem-solving. Be succinct and precise. Emotional outpourings can sometimes be viewed as an impediment to finding a solution.
In other words, you both have an instinctive preference to literally speak your native tongue in “Thinking” as a function. This follows throughout, “Feelers” speak feeling, “Intuits” speak intuition, and “Sensors” speak sensing.
Feeling Dominant Types (ISFP, INFP, ENFJ, ESFJ)
Feeling types need empathetic communication. Emotional intelligence is their forte, so tap into that. Express your feelings openly and encourage your partner to share their emotions. Understanding is usually reached when both parties feel heard and respected.
Sensing Dominant Types (ISTJ, ISFJ, ESTP, ESFP)
For Sensing types, specifics are vital. These individuals rely on tangible information and appreciate step-by-step action plans. If you’re discussing a problem, be prepared to offer concrete solutions or examples. Vague statements and abstract theories will not resonate with them.
Intuition Dominant Types ( INTJ, INFJ, ENTP, ENFP)
For Intuitive types, it’s all about the big picture and underlying themes. These individuals are keen to explore possibilities and engage in hypothetical scenarios. When discussing any subject, it may be beneficial to consider future implications or delve into the ‘why’ behind the ‘what.’
Tips for Cross-Communication
- Identify Dominant Functions: Understand your dominant function and that of your partner. Make this the starting point of your communication strategy. Try to speak the “dominant” function language of the other person. This increases the likelihood of maximum understanding because the other person is hearing their natural, instinctively preferred mental language spoken to them.
- Common Ground: Look for areas where your dominant functions overlap or complement each other.
- Adapt and Modify: While it’s most comfortable to communicate through one’s dominant function, developing secondary and tertiary functions can make cross-type communication more effortless.
- Feedback Loop: After any significant conversation, it’s useful to engage in a feedback loop, where both parties discuss what worked and what didn’t in terms of communication.
- Understand that if the dominant function of the person you are communicating with represents your “inferior” or least instinctively preferred function, the communication will always be naturally difficult, many times highly irritating in fact.
Conclusion
While every Myers-Briggs personality type is equipped to communicate effectively, not all communication is created equal. The ease of interaction always depends on whether the dominant function of the individuals involved is the same. Understanding this can not only enhance the quality of your relationships but also bring about a deeper emotional connection between you and your significant others. Remember, the personality type framework is a tool—not a destiny. Use it wisely to open doors to richer, more fulfilling interactions.
By understanding and adapting to each other’s dominant functions, we can radically improve communication in relationships. In a world filled with misunderstandings, this could be the key to turning our ships passing in the night into a fleet sailing in the same direction.
Ken Meyer
Myers Briggs Master Practitioner and Retired Senior Career Coach at Eastern Michigan University
