INFJ Interpersonal Relationships
Introduction
The INFJ personality type, often referred to as the “Advocate” or the “Idealist,” is a unique blend of emotional insight and logical reasoning. This type is known for its empathetic nature, intuitive understanding of human emotions, and a deep desire for meaningful connection. In the realm of interpersonal relationships, INFJs are often seen as nurturers who are always willing to lend an ear or offer a shoulder to lean on. This blog post aims to explore the intricacies of how INFJs navigate interpersonal relationships, drawing inspiration from the seminal work “Intimacy and Type: A Practical Guide for Improving Relationships for Couples and Counselors” by Jane Hardy Jones, Ed.D., and Ruth G. Sherman, Ph.D.
Emotional Depth and Understanding
One of the most striking features of INFJs in interpersonal relationships is their emotional depth. They are not just content with surface-level interactions; they seek a deeper emotional and intellectual connection. This depth often makes them excellent at understanding their partner’s emotional needs, even when they are not explicitly stated. However, this can also be a double-edged sword. The INFJ’s sensitivity may sometimes lead them to absorb emotional stress from their relationships, which can be draining over time.
Communication Style
INFJs are generally excellent communicators in interpersonal relationships, especially when it comes to emotional matters. They are adept at reading between the lines and understanding the underlying emotions that drive a conversation. However, they may sometimes struggle with direct confrontation or conflict, preferring to address issues in a more roundabout way. This indirect approach can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, so it’s crucial for INFJs to be aware of this tendency and work on being more straightforward when necessary.
The Need for Personal Space
While INFJs are deeply committed to their interpersonal relationships, they also value their personal space. They need time alone to recharge and reflect on their thoughts and feelings. This need for solitude is not a sign of disinterest or detachment; rather, it is a crucial aspect of their emotional well-being. Partners of INFJs should understand this need and give them the space they require.
Long-term Commitment
INFJs are generally very committed in their interpersonal relationships. Once they decide to invest in a relationship, they are in it for the long haul. They value stability and long-term planning, often envisioning a future with their partners early in the relationship. However, this long-term focus can sometimes make them anxious about the uncertainties that come with any relationship. It’s essential for them to balance their future-oriented thinking with mindfulness of the present moment.
Conflict Resolution
In the event of a conflict, INFJs usually prefer a harmonious resolution that considers the emotional needs of all parties involved. They are often willing to compromise and find a middle ground, but not at the expense of their core values or emotional well-being. This balanced approach makes them excellent mediators in interpersonal relationships, capable of seeing multiple perspectives and finding a solution that respects everyone’s emotional integrity.
INFJs Will:
- Want to please, enjoy, and need harmony, but not at the expense of their own integrity
- Always value achievement as part of their lifestyle a student, employee, mate, or parent
- Possibly need closure so badly that they do not see they are causing discomfort to their mate by pushing for premature decisions
- Be affectionate in their own way and in their own time
- Be among the most stubborn of all types, keep the door open a long time, and be forgiving and compassionate, but when the door closes that’s it
- Want the atmosphere to be warm and loving before responding sexually
- Possibly have romantic fantasies outside marriage, but will be unlikely to act them out
- Be deeply bonded to their children to the point that children may take priority over the mate
- Do everything they do intensely and to the max
- Need support and recognition from their mate; criticism will close them up, turn them off, and even make them ill
- Need more variety and freedom than is provided by standard chores
- Dislike being overburdened by too many details and ignore reading directions for the use of appliances, standard forms, etc.
- Have a deeply spiritual inner life which will be shared with very few only those whom they totally trust
- Be difficult to challenge when they say they “know”
They will value in their mate and children:
- achievement
- intelligence
- complexity
- “real world” skills
- imagination
- loyalty
- appreciation of who they are
- spiritual, moral, or ethical values
The bulleted lists above are courtesy of “Intimacy and Type” by Jane Hardy Jones, Ed.D & Ruth G. Sherman, Ph.D.
Conclusion
The INFJ personality type brings a unique set of strengths and challenges to interpersonal relationships. Their emotional depth, intuitive communication style, and long-term commitment make them incredibly nurturing and reliable partners. However, they also have specific needs for personal space and emotional well-being that must be respected for the relationship to flourish. By understanding these intricacies, both INFJs and their partners can work towards building a more meaningful, emotionally satisfying relationship.
Ken Meyer
Myers Briggs Master Practitioner and Retired Senior Career Coach at Eastern Michigan University
